On the other hand, my son almost drowned a few years ago (we pulled a blue and lifeles child out of the pool and did cpr on him) and now every summer when the news starts having stories about kids drowning I feel so much sorrow for the families. I can’t hardly stand to hear about it.

I think it’s ok though. While one part of the the country is in serious mourning, the rest of us will be sad but carry on with life as we know it until they are able to join us again. Then they will do the same for us when our time with tragedy comes.

I agree that sometimes we can feel guilt for not taking the time to feel the pain of other people. But mourning with those that mourn doesn’t have to be to weep openly, it could be (as PDoE mentions) to move on and help in other, more practical ways.

After 9/11, I remember everyone talking about not letting the terroists stop our way of life. To keep going and to show them that we will not be affected to the point of destroying ourselves in misery. So, perhaps, while one person mourns outwardly with anger and sadness, someone else will mourn inwardly with conviction and strength. We need all kinds.

Glenn Beck has been discussing this very thing on his show since yesterday and with both you and him. I think I was more surprised the kid did all of it with pistols more than that he did it at all. I of course feel for all those effected but I don’t know how much I can mourn with those that mourn when I’m nowhere near the incident or anyone effected by it.

But living here in Virginia I have also been touched by others. On Tuesday afternoon I went to my gym after work and the majority of the folks there we wearing Virginia Tech t-shirts - I’m sure all who had them - and the cars in the parking lot had stickers and signs attached supporting Virginia Tech. The members of the local Korean Episcopal church all gathered that night to pray for the families of the victims and for the students that survived, I’m sure out of a simple sense of support. The aid and comfort offered by so many has helped me feel more deeply for those who lost loved ones. And I have imagined the horror that must have been experienced by the students that were killed.

Maybe it’s because a young woman in my wife’s immediate family recently died a pre-mature death that I have been able to feel for those who have lost someone.

Today, 30 years after the Vietnam war, I go to the Vietnam memorial and as I stand at the top of the walkway I don’t really feel anything. But as I walk down the ramp and the wall gets higher and the lists of names gets ever longer, I begin to feel the pain. And then I see a relative of one of the fallen reaching out just to touch the name - almost always with tears in their eyes or opening weeping - and I can feel it again.

Distance - physical or relational - can sometimes shield us from sorrow.

I simply don’t understand.

I’ve had a couple grandparents die, but that’s really not the same thing.

A sister missionary I knew well died on my mission and that one has stuck with me more than others. But she wasn’t family, or even a close friend.

To this day, I think my own actions (however clumsily and tactlessly executed) were more constructive than those of my classmates.

Well, pat yourself on the back and move on to the solution of the next one. Heaven knows worrying about problems doesn’t solve anything.