Comments on: I’m Sorry For Not Being Sorry

By: Thomas

Thomas — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:42:44 +0000

I have only been married for about 4 months now, and my wife gets hurt by some of the things that I say. I don’t mean to hurt her feelings, but I just don’t have a good way with words when I speak them. I have found that writing my thoughts out on a piece of paper or on the computer helps me get what I want to say without causing any problems for our marrige! But, now I always have a few thousand pieces of crumpled up paper laying by my desk!
Also, whenever she says somthing that makes me upset, I just let it fall off and I don’t take it seriously. This way I have complete control over my emotions and can still be the strong one. This works great and it makes us feel closer to each other by our mutual conversations. My wife and I made a pact with one another. No matter how upset we may feel torwards each other, we will always let one another hold the other. You can’t stay angry when you are being held, or are holding your spouse. Try this and you will see what I mean!

By: MCQ

MCQ — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:25:13 +0000

There was a time when I was always right.

Ah, the good old days. I think I was 30 before I realized it was possible that I could be wrong about something.

I think though, that if you now were to total up all the times I have apologized to my wife, they would outnumber the times she has apologized to me by a factor of 100. Why is that? Am I that much more wrong, or is something else going on here?

By: MCQ

MCQ — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:19:57 +0000

Peter, I’m thinking you must be single, cause that’s the only way that philosophy could work.

Nice work Rusty, odd how that lesson never stays learned. You have to keep learning it and keep reminding yourself. Especially those of us who make a living by being paid to constantly argue as if we were always right. As occupational hazards go, that one is bourne inordinately by our families.

By: Peter LLC

Peter LLC — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:30:44 +0000

Holy Ghost to woman, in a recent Ensign article: “Do you want to be right, or to save your marriage?”

I choose being right over happy as a matter of principle.

By: Don

Don — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 21:52:54 +0000

Over the years I have found that a difficult lesson to learn. You’re absolutely right, but it’s hard to get my mind and heart into a position to say I’m sorry, when I know dog gone well I’m right.

So I’ve learned to be truly sorry for how I said it, for getting her upset, for the feeling I’ve created. Usually we can then open up to a more loving way to discuss or understand the situation.

I’m still learning….but I am getting better about sincerely appologizing. There was a time when I was always right and it was too bad someone else would take offense at what I said….it was their problem.

By: Walter Sierra

Walter Sierra — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 21:09:01 +0000

Hey Rosty, te perdistes otra vez, disculpa que sea abusivo al escribirte, mira te queria preguntar si sabes algo de David Anderson, dejame saber please. see you

By: Bookslinger

Bookslinger — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:26:03 +0000

Holy Ghost to woman, in a recent Ensign article: “Do you want to be right, or to save your marriage?”

By: Kim Siever

Kim Siever — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 12:37:57 +0000

Something I’ve learned in the last 13 years is that sometimes it’s just better to say sorry even if you’re not wrong. It can break down any barriers the two of you have just built up and allow you to continue discussing the topic calmly. There’s nothing eternally significant about being right all the time.

By: Mike L.

Mike L. — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:08:16 +0000

Thanks Rusty, I’ll have to remember this next time I have to say I’m sorry… hypothetically of course.

And I like the idea of visualizing conversations. That way if you mess up and say something incredibly stupid, your spouse never hears it! Brilliant!

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:59:24 +0000

Rusty, I agree with #2. That quote [Well, it appears that being sorry shouldn’t hinge on whether or not the other person forgives you.] made me think of something my father once told me:

I hate to iron. But hubby doesn’t mind ironing his thousands of shirts and pants. This is good. It works for us. He usually just irons things as he needs them –so there’s always a nice pile by the ironing board. I’m okay with this; I’d take a pile of clean clothes on the floor to hours of ironing any day. But one day, I decided I wanted to do something really nice for him. So I spent about four hours ironing everything in the pile.

While I was working, I happened to have a nice little conversation with my parents on the phone. I mentioned what I was doing and quipped, “I’m so bad at this, he’ll probably not be happy I did it and have to do them all over again” to which my wise father responded: “Well, if he does, you can’t be mad at him, because then what you’re doing really isn’t a service.”

Profound, indeed.