Comments on: Why Is Fornication Such A Big Deal?

By: Christy

Christy — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:13:57 +0000

So I googled what:” is ramifications of fornication?” because I am reading Matthew 5:31 and because I am struggling. I have had two sexual relationships in my life one with a boyfriend and one with my husband. I have been married almost 2 years and have known my husband almost 7 years. I still feel like the bad choices I made with the other relationship affect me today. Then I read that if you marry a woman who is divorced you commit adultery. The I learn that Paul considers entering into a physical relationship marrying the person. I fell like in the situation with my ex-boyfriend this is true, it wasn’t a one night stand. We were not legally “by the state married” but we were by the flesh .
This has caused so much pain, confusion and disappointment in my life. I sure this is one of the reason God wants us to avoid it. He want us to make sure we have a commitment first. It so easy to ASSUME that because you are together that you will stay together(and I know this is why the institution of marriage has a bad name right now in time, but I think that is changing)

I guess what I am look for is other women’s stories on their struggles. I want to know their experiences of how they dealt with their bad choices. Because what I am going through is very personal and I wish I could talk with some one else.

By: will

will — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 20:14:18 +0000

Kurt said, “Its like building a house on a foundation of lingerie.”

Kurt, I nominate you for the quote-of-the-month award.

By: Kurt

Kurt — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 14:14:05 +0000

In addition to whats been said about the risks associated with fornication, the plain fact of the matter with respect to relationships is you get out what you put into it. If the attraction in a relationship is predominantly physical/sexual, then that relationship is very tenuous and will fail when the sex is no longer exciting or the physical appeal is gone because of age or whatever reason. The consequences in this case are obvious.

Being married is difficult and requires a lot of work, self-sacrifice, and spiritual and emotional intimacy in order for it to be long-lasting and constructive. Starting a relationship based on the intermingling of high-powered mind-disabling hormones and superficial appearances does absolutely nothing to foster emotional or spiritual intimacy, and it fosters selfishness, not selflesness. That undercuts a marriage, or any relationship, right from the start.

Its like building a house on a foundation of lingerie.

By: Steve (FSF)

Steve (FSF) — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 05:47:14 +0000

I was going to remain silent having already given my advice and additional comments over at Ned’s blog. But the BYU students and Vegas trial marriages thing was going on a generation ago when I was there so some extent. Although, I didn’t know of any such marriages only lasting a day. They either went on to temple marriage by not revealing they were already married, later announced they were married (sometimes if they got caught screwing), or went back to Vegas for a quickie divorce if things didn’t work out. I even seem to recall Dallin Oak’s making a passing reference to the phenomenon once. People I hanged w/ tended to be sexually active and most of us thought the whole Vegas trial marriage thing was stupid, but it certainly wasn’t folklore back then.

BTW, while I distanced myself from the church during/after my post mission fall from grace, I knew some couples who were banging before temple marriage. Wasn’t my thing, but it happened.

By: Rusty

Rusty — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 02:16:23 +0000

Ya know, Bret makes another really interesting point about the BYU/Vegas marriages. Whether or not that is folklore or not, it shows the opposite extreme of what Ned did. Yet, I wonder which one the Lord would consider worse. If it’s the marriage certificate the Lord is after, the Vegas option seems to be okay in His eyes. If it’s the commitment issue, Ned’s situation seems to be okay in His eyes.

By: Bret

Bret — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 01:16:59 +0000

One thing I can attest to is that abstinance till marriage has made for a lot of problem marriages at church-owned schools. So many young people are these 18-20 something yearold virgins that rush into a marriage, though they often tell themselves it’s for the right reasons, simply to finally get over those craving desires and they think it was the right thing because they are pounded at to get married.
This reminds me of those stories of the BYU kids who go to Vegas to get married for a day, have a wedding night, then get a divorce the next just to satisfy their desires.
However, all the arguments here on both sides I think are very poignant.

By: Steve H

Steve H — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 19:52:46 +0000

Jeffrey,
We don’t say let your heart (emotions)guide you to truth, we say, let your heart (the spirit) guide you to truth. There are all sorts of emotions, and they are not the most reliable indicators of what we are to do, unless we understand how the spirit is related to our emotions. In most cases, very strong emotions, while they can be enjoyuable, and very good in the right circumstances, can also impair our ability to make the decisions in the right ways, prayerfully, by the spirit.
By the way, I’ve never hard the brethren speak of sex as bad, just mean t for certain situations. I’m sorry if someone taught you sex was bad. I know some people think it wise to teach that, but it really does distort the issue.

By: Jeffrey Giliam

Jeffrey Giliam — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 18:29:22 +0000

Steve,

It’s true, sex presents a risk of pregnancy, in MOST cases. Some are sterile. Some are too old. Not only that, but I don’t think we are too far from fool proof birth control. What then?

It also remains very unclear why a committed relationship necessitates marriage. Why must it be committed for life? Why not simply committed as in being exclusive?

John,

Your arguments present a decent case for why fornication CAN be bad, but it fails to address the issue of why it IS bad. Clearly the church considers Ned’s pre marital activities to be evil (sorry about that Ned), and yet his case doesn’t fall under your description at all. Not only that, but some people could extend your arguments to kissing or even dating. Maybe it would be best if we simply didn’t have any emotions at all. I know this isn’t what you are saying, but you are pointed in that direction. We say, let your heart (emotions) guide you to truth, unless we are talking about something we consider bad (like sex). Such a position fails to address why premarital sex is bad.

By: John W. Redelfs

John W. Redelfs — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 05:59:34 +0000

Since the primary purpose of mortality is to prepare for eternal life, and since it is impossible to obtain eternal life without a successful temple marriage, and since it is much harder to achieve a successful eternal marriage with some partners than others, perhaps the most important decision that anyone makes in life after the decision to follow Jesus, is the decision to marry a particular person. And that decision must be made with a clear head and the wisdom that comes only from the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

When we fornicate we interfere with that decision making process. Fornicating can easily cause someone to fall hopelessly in love with the wrong person. I know this by sad experience.

The act of putting together an eternal marriage is of unthinkably great importance. It doesn’t just affect the present. It has eternal ramifications that can ultimately impact thousands or even millions of descendants.

Nothing could be more foolish, or have longer lasting, negative, eternal consequences than marrying the wrong person because of a lack of sexual self-discipline.

Bsides, even if a fornicator lucks out and marries the right person, a lack of sexual self-discipline enormously increases the risk that it will cause a divorce. Even worse than marrying the wrong person, is marrying the right person and then getting a divorce.

I think the problem with fornication is the eternal ramifications.

By: Steve H

Steve H — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 10:06:09 +0000

First,
There is no such thing as sex that isn’t risking pregnancy. That means depriving some children of their right to be born to a father and mother. If you wait until you have chosen someone to whom you want to be married for other reasons, it’s not a problem.
Second,
Sexuality is the result of emotions, lust or love. It also creates emotions. I firmly believe that the connections formed by the act of sexuality are poweful, and until you are ready to be faithful to one person, it is best to avoid such relationships so as not to affect other future relationships. We can say that we can just get past such things, but it isn’t so simple. Otherwise, what would be the harm in pornography? It doesn’t have the possibility of creating children, but it does stimulate powerful emotions that can affect current and future relationships.
The classic talk here is Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments by Elder Holland, from which I will just quote: “To give illicitly that which is not yours to give (remember–’you are not your own’) and to give only part of that which cannot be followed with the gift of your whole heart and your whole life and your whole self is its own form of emotional Russian roulette.”