Comments on: The Shrinking Family – What’s the Cause? http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 04:57:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 By: Seth R. http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-15423 Seth R. Mon, 04 Jun 2007 22:53:00 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-15423 FYI, I just heard on the news that they've developed a test whereby both men and women can find out how "fertile" they are. A real concern for aging couples who want to have kids. Now you can actually get a sense of how likely childbirth is for you without just sitting around with vague anxiety that "your biological clock is ticking down." About time says I. FYI,

I just heard on the news that they’ve developed a test whereby both men and women can find out how “fertile” they are. A real concern for aging couples who want to have kids. Now you can actually get a sense of how likely childbirth is for you without just sitting around with vague anxiety that “your biological clock is ticking down.”

About time says I.

]]> By: Sue http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-15337 Sue Mon, 04 Jun 2007 02:36:56 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-15337 Of course Cheryl, the flip side is that if you have more than you can handle, it's too late. It isn't a contest. I think there are very few people who can successfully handle a large number of children. My parents couldn't. Most of the kids I knew/know who were also from large families were similarly neglected and the older kids were forced to take on way too much responsibility for a kid. I know parents often say the older children love doing it, and maybe sometimes that's true, but I think that often it's a copout to ease parental guilt. They don't like to accept that they are making their older children slaves to their own desires. And of course sometimes they really are great parents who can successfully parent a large family. The key is, I think, that people don't feel spiritually COMPELLED to take on more children than they can parent in a loving way, so they don't do it. Of course Cheryl, the flip side is that if you have more than you can handle, it’s too late. It isn’t a contest. I think there are very few people who can successfully handle a large number of children. My parents couldn’t. Most of the kids I knew/know who were also from large families were similarly neglected and the older kids were forced to take on way too much responsibility for a kid. I know parents often say the older children love doing it, and maybe sometimes that’s true, but I think that often it’s a copout to ease parental guilt. They don’t like to accept that they are making their older children slaves to their own desires. And of course sometimes they really are great parents who can successfully parent a large family.

The key is, I think, that people don’t feel spiritually COMPELLED to take on more children than they can parent in a loving way, so they don’t do it.

]]> By: Cheryl http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14908 Cheryl Fri, 01 Jun 2007 01:12:42 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14908 Sorry. That should read "just because we <em>are</em> afraid we might not live up to it" Sorry. That should read “just because we are afraid we might not live up to it”

]]> By: Cheryl http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14907 Cheryl Fri, 01 Jun 2007 01:11:33 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14907 brozy- You won't know until you try. Or at least until you have a child or two. Don't limit yourself before you know what you can handle. I have found that I can handle whatever it is I need to handle at the time. Sometimes I wonder I can even get through the day, but then I do, and most of the time it ends just fine. And my children are happy. We can all do whatever it is we <em>have</em> to do. Providing a wonderful environment that you described can very well be the "have". The trick is to not limit our potential just because we afraid we might not live up to it. brozy-
You won’t know until you try. Or at least until you have a child or two. Don’t limit yourself before you know what you can handle. I have found that I can handle whatever it is I need to handle at the time. Sometimes I wonder I can even get through the day, but then I do, and most of the time it ends just fine. And my children are happy. We can all do whatever it is we have to do. Providing a wonderful environment that you described can very well be the “have”. The trick is to not limit our potential just because we afraid we might not live up to it.

]]> By: brozy http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14898 brozy Thu, 31 May 2007 23:57:02 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14898 My husband and I have none yet, but we're planning on around four. When we're feeling optimistic, we consider six. Admittedly, I want a lot of unnecessary things for my children--music and foreign language lessons, for instance--and that makes having a lot of kids seem impractical. (I'm trying to tone down my plans for my as-yet nonexistent children so that I'm not going to cause them emotional breakdowns by age six.) In addition, I recently discovered that I have a genetic problem that will make pregnancy less pleasant. Not a big deal, but still a deterrant. For me, though, the biggest reason we probably won't have a big family is that I don't feel like I'll be able to be a good mother to more than four or so. And I don't mean we won't be able to give them Chinese lessons. I want my kids to be able to have the kind of childhood I did, where Mommy reads stories, teaches the kids to read, to cook, to clean, listens to how everyone's day went, attends everyone's performances/sports meets, and just generally makes everyone feel loved and supported. My mom was able to do this for eight children. I don't think I can. My husband and I have none yet, but we’re planning on around four. When we’re feeling optimistic, we consider six. Admittedly, I want a lot of unnecessary things for my children–music and foreign language lessons, for instance–and that makes having a lot of kids seem impractical. (I’m trying to tone down my plans for my as-yet nonexistent children so that I’m not going to cause them emotional breakdowns by age six.) In addition, I recently discovered that I have a genetic problem that will make pregnancy less pleasant. Not a big deal, but still a deterrant.

For me, though, the biggest reason we probably won’t have a big family is that I don’t feel like I’ll be able to be a good mother to more than four or so. And I don’t mean we won’t be able to give them Chinese lessons. I want my kids to be able to have the kind of childhood I did, where Mommy reads stories, teaches the kids to read, to cook, to clean, listens to how everyone’s day went, attends everyone’s performances/sports meets, and just generally makes everyone feel loved and supported. My mom was able to do this for eight children. I don’t think I can.

]]> By: Karen http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14620 Karen Tue, 29 May 2007 14:59:39 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14620 I find it interesting that some people seem to assume that if you have a large family you either don't use birth control, and/or you are blindly following the brethren. When we were first married my husband and I talked about having four childern. We have eight children. My husband and I prayerfully considered each baby, using BC in between each one. Each child was/is wanted and loved. It has not always been easy, but is the right thing for us. From reading the comments here is seems that many would think that I'm not able to give enough attention to each child. And it is true that two would get more individual attention from ME than eight do. But if you could see how much my small kids love their big siblings, how they jump up and down with excitement when the big ones come home from school. And how the big kids love their little siblings, how they let them have 'sleepovers' in their rooms, how they read stories and play with them, and take pictures of them and laugh with them! (Today my oldest, who is home from college for the summer, is going on a fieldtrip with her kindergarten brother!) There is lots of love between them, and I think that more then makes up for having eight children sharing my attention. I find it interesting that some people seem to assume that if you have a large family you either don’t use birth control, and/or you are blindly following the brethren. When we were first married my husband and I talked about having four childern. We have eight children. My husband and I prayerfully considered each baby, using BC in between each one. Each child was/is wanted and loved. It has not always been easy, but is the right thing for us.

From reading the comments here is seems that many would think that I’m not able to give enough attention to each child. And it is true that two would get more individual attention from ME than eight do.
But if you could see how much my small kids love their big siblings, how they jump up and down with excitement when the big ones come home from school. And how the big kids love their little siblings, how they let them have ‘sleepovers’ in their rooms, how they read stories and play with them, and take pictures of them and laugh with them! (Today my oldest, who is home from college for the summer, is going on a fieldtrip with her kindergarten brother!) There is lots of love between them, and I think that more then makes up for having eight children sharing my attention.

]]> By: Cheryl http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14575 Cheryl Tue, 29 May 2007 01:57:49 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14575 makakona- Hey, sorry for not commenting earlier --we've been out of town. With our four kids, in a mini-van, with a luggage shell, CAMPING for four days! (hope that gets a gasp out of someone. :)) Can I just say that camping is the greatest thing ever? I believe it truly is... I'm in the Bay Area, yes. We just moved here, though, from Provo...I'm assuming you're down south? Email me! cssavage at gmail dot com... Dolphin- I don't think Don was making a nasty judgement --I think he really was concerned and interested as to why this generation of LDS couples are having less children (and regardless of how anyone spins it, <em>they are</em>.) Don, would I be correct in that assumption...? makakona-
Hey, sorry for not commenting earlier –we’ve been out of town. With our four kids, in a mini-van, with a luggage shell, CAMPING for four days! (hope that gets a gasp out of someone. :)) Can I just say that camping is the greatest thing ever? I believe it truly is…

I’m in the Bay Area, yes. We just moved here, though, from Provo…I’m assuming you’re down south? Email me! cssavage at gmail dot com…

Dolphin-
I don’t think Don was making a nasty judgement –I think he really was concerned and interested as to why this generation of LDS couples are having less children (and regardless of how anyone spins it, they are.)
Don, would I be correct in that assumption…?

]]> By: Seth R. http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14551 Seth R. Mon, 28 May 2007 20:16:34 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14551 Actually Dolphin, If you really know the couple in question really well, you may actually have quite good basis for judging them. It's a big if, but it does happen. I don't personally know anyone well enough to judge on that. But some people do... Actually Dolphin,

If you really know the couple in question really well, you may actually have quite good basis for judging them. It’s a big if, but it does happen.

I don’t personally know anyone well enough to judge on that. But some people do…

]]> By: elain http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14545 elain Mon, 28 May 2007 17:47:39 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14545 The GAs have just as much right to opine about birth control as on any other topic. I have active friends in their 30s and 40s who have never married or divorced who also think the Church should butt out of their personal sex lives. And they are also grateful for birth control. The GAs have just as much right to opine about birth control as on any other topic. I have active friends in their 30s and 40s who have never married or divorced who also think the Church should butt out of their personal sex lives. And they are also grateful for birth control.

]]> By: DolphinDragon http://www.nine-moons.com/?p=540&cpage=2#comment-14513 DolphinDragon Mon, 28 May 2007 03:04:41 +0000 http://www.nine-moons.com/2007/05/22/the-shrinking-family-whats-the-cause/#comment-14513 The "more righteous if you have more children" attitude is a spinoff of the mainstream Christian "quiverfill" mentality - where since children are blessings of the Lord, the more you have, the more you are loved by the Lord. What I find really annoying is the attitude I sense from the original poster and others of that generation that if those of the next generation are not building familes just like they did - it MUST be selfishness. It MUST be because we are the "me" generation. HOGWASH. No one - absolutely no one - not a GA, not a bishop, not a neighbor, family member or friend has any right to assume or make judgement on a couples (or generations) choices in childbearing. Period. The “more righteous if you have more children” attitude is a spinoff of the mainstream Christian “quiverfill” mentality – where since children are blessings of the Lord, the more you have, the more you are loved by the Lord.
What I find really annoying is the attitude I sense from the original poster and others of that generation that if those of the next generation are not building familes just like they did – it MUST be selfishness. It MUST be because we are the “me” generation.
HOGWASH.
No one – absolutely no one – not a GA, not a bishop, not a neighbor, family member or friend has any right to assume or make judgement on a couples (or generations) choices in childbearing. Period.

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