After reading that lesson several times (which included that quote from SWK, along with many others), reordering the lesson into an outline (which I posted on my blog–if you’re interested), and teaching it to my EQ, I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams that SWK would ever advocate marrying someone you don’t love. For example, here are some additional quotes from SWK (emphasis mine):
We need a loving companion with whom we have suffered and wept and prayed and worshipped; one with whom we have suffered sorrow and disappointments,
one who loves us
for what we are or intend to be rather than what we appear to be in our gilded shell.
In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness. It brings with it sacrifice, sharing, and a demand for great selflessness.
Sweethearts should realize before they take the vows that each must accept literally and fully that the good of the little new family must always be superior to the good of either spouse. Each party must eliminate the “I” and the “my” and substitute … “we” and “our.
Total unselfishness is sure to accomplish another factor in successful marriage. If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.
Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness.
Based upon these quotes, and reading the original quote in context, it seems obvious to me that SWK is saying that, while it is not the only factor, emotion (or love or the heart) is definitely an important factor in determining whom to marry, and, of course, in maintaining a sucessful marriage.]]>
MCQ, enlighten me (I mean this sincerely).]]>
What do you mean, “how do you know”? You know when you know.
No one can tell you you’re in love, you just know it, balls to bones.
Just a litte wisdom from two of my favorite movies.]]>
Most men and women want to marry for love. They want to be in love before they marry. Very few are able to actually follow Pres. Kimball’s counsel because very few are that strong –to marry someone they don’t actually love first.
Thank goodness! And, fwiw, that’s not what SWK was saying.
Someone from India once said to a Westerner “You marry the one you love. We love the one we marry.”
That’s what they say, but the sad fact is that 1 out of 25 arranged marriages ends in divorce.]]>
#15, John Mansfield, I think I get what you wrote, but I’m not clear. Can you spell it out?
However, it (#15) sounds like what someone said once of Madonna. There were four celebrities whom she dated during her single years (after Sean Penn), who then went out and married the next woman that they dated. Warren Beatty was one. His girlfriends are listed alphabetically here,
But I remember reading that Madonna was his last before marrying Annette Bening.
In regards to president Kimball’s quote in #1:
a) What president Kimball calls a “good” man or woman, most of us would call perfect. Very few of us live up to his ideals.
b) Most of us are not willing to pay the kind of price and make the sacrifices that he’s referring to. I want someone who will be easy to be married with, not difficult. There are enough unforeseen challenges to marriage, that it seems unwise to enter marriage with someone who you know has challenges or will present challenges that you are unprepared for.
His quote seems like one of those things for which there are a myriad of unspoken exceptions. And in fact, he himself mentioned plenty of such exceptions or reasons why two people should NOT get married in many of his other teachings. Such things include incompatibilities in education and career, family background, etc.]]>
Are you saying I’m not a normal Mormon?]]>
They don’t “rush into” marriages because Pres. Kimball made that quote. They rush in because they want to have sex. Most normal Mormons don’t even know Pres. Kimball said that.
All clear now?]]>