Comments on: A Good Test Of Pride Level

By: Michaela Stephens

Michaela Stephens — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:01:36 +0000

I agree with #9 on this one. When someone tells me about something good happening to them, I try to make a big deal about it with them, celebrating. “You got the job? Awesome! I’m SO happy for you! And it is exactly what you’ve always wanted to do? Oh, you are sitting pretty! Hooray!”

When you get in the habit of doing that, people love to bring you their good news, because then they can depend on someone being just as happy for them as they are for themselves.

By: RCH

RCH — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 18:04:41 +0000

I think I’m plenty prideful, but it wouldn’t occur to me to begrudge anybody else’s happiness / success / luck / whatever. (Though if one of a select few people I despise had bad fortune, I might get a little kick out of that. D’oh.) Pride comes in lots of flavors, sadly.

By: Daylan

Daylan — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 03:50:10 +0000

What are your immediate feelings when you hear of someone else’s good fortune?

I’m happy for them, unless I know that their good fortunate occurred via “thou shalt not kill, steal, lie, etc.”. In that case I feel sorry for them.

By: acm

acm — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:15:30 +0000

I used to feel this way until I realized that the success of others — particularly their financial success — had no negative impact on my success. There is not a fixed-size economic pie where those who have more get it at the expense of those with less. I discovered that wealth is created, and that I could create wealth anytime I chose.

Once I’d figured that out, it was obvious that the same holds true of my physical fitness, or developing my talents, or whatever. In a few short months I went from envying others who had more or did better than I to being inspired by their examples.

It’s a very liberating state of mind, and I’m rather ashamed it took me until my middle 30s to figure it out.

By: Bret

Bret — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 22:36:42 +0000

You think you have problems, Russ? You’re not single! Must be nice to ask these questions when they have nothing wanting…

I also have a hard time getting genuinely happy for someone for something I either don’t care about or don’t approve of. I have students tell me how great it is they’re getting a tattoo or piercing and I just half heartedly try to show my care. They’re not members so it’s not really “bad” and as their teacher I’m in no position to lecture on the subject.

By: cj douglass

cj douglass — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:15:39 +0000

Apparently Lamonte passes his good AND bad traits on to his children……But I think Rusty has hit on some good questions for relatively humble, church-going people. For example, its easy for a lot of people to confess Gods hand in their life. Its a little bit harder to confess it in the lives of others. Somehow we feel like God is slighting us or something. Elder Holland gave a great talk about this called the other prodigal:

http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-266-23,00.html

Some great answers from that talk are:

How does this happen, especially when we wish so much that it would not? I think one of the reasons is that every day we see allurements of one kind or another that tell us what we have is not enough. Someone or something is forever telling us we need to be more handsome or more wealthy, more applauded or more admired than we see ourselves as being. We are told we haven’t collected enough possessions or gone to enough fun places. We are bombarded with the message that on the world’s scale of things we have been weighed in the balance and found wanting.6 Some days it is as if we have been locked in a cubicle of a great and spacious building where the only thing on the TV is a never-ending soap opera entitled Vain Imaginations.

and

Most “thou shalt not” commandments are meant to keep us from hurting others, but I am convinced the commandment not to covet is meant to keep us from hurting ourselves.

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:06:30 +0000

My uncle, who, through his own choices, has never had much money for his very large family. It was never a matter about money –they had plenty –it had more to do with the fact that they spent more than they earned. However, my parents, who had much, much less were extremely frugal, and therefore were always able to save up for the things they wanted: Travel. Everytime my uncle heard about another thing my parents were doing, his response was always the same: “Well, if we were all rich like that.” And huff and huff… My cousin is the same way. Anytime someone has any kid of good fortune in the money area, she speaks as her father did “Wouldn’t it be nice to have money? Some people are just so rich. Wow, good for them” (dripping with sarcasm).

It was always frustrating to be around them because any time someone else (like us) went on a trip (even though work paid for it), we were suddenly not “good enough” because we were not “poor enough”. It’s easy not to want to be around that type of attitude.

FWIW–I suffer with this, too, though. But it’s not about money. It’s always about talent and/or getting to where they want to be. It’s hard not to compare myself and wish I were better/smarter/more creative. I have to remind myself (constantly) to be grateful for who I am and for the talents I have been blessed with…

By: Susan M

Susan M — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:37:03 +0000

For me the answer doesn’t vary depending on the person—it varies depending on the good fortune. I get bummed when I hear someone has bought a house. I’m so tired of living in an apartment.

By: BrianJ

BrianJ — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:49:28 +0000

I have to admit that I was very skeptical of the title—how could anyone come up with a “good test” of something intangible like pride? But I have to hand it to you, I think you nailed this one. (And yes, I’m happy for you—and happy for myself because I got to read it.)

By: Lamonte

Lamonte — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 12:39:07 +0000

Rusty – I’m upset with you for reminding me of the ugly side of my personality. I lost a good friend a few years ago who died of a heart attack while at Youth Conference. He died doing exactly what he loved doing – playing baskteball (or football, or baseball or any other sport) with the youth. Natually it was a great loss to his family and his friends inside and outside the church. But it was an even greater loss because of his great example to all of us. He was always so happy for the success of others. He was often responsible, at least in part, for that success but always shunned the spotlight and never wanted to take credit. He was and is such a great example to me of just the opposite of the person you describe above. It is an example I will spend the rest of my life trying to achieve and MAYBE, someday I will become like him. I have a long way to go.