Comments on: For those of us who are not piccolos.

By: C.J. Warburton

C.J. Warburton — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:58:25 +0000

Hi Susan, I really enjoyed your comments. Not having read yours yet, I wrote about Elder Wirthlin’s talk and used the same quote. Check out “The Cultural Hall.” Anyway I’m really glad there are a few of us misfits around. Loved your message.

By: Bookslinger

Bookslinger — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:04:48 +0000

Susan, have you ever had a true IQ test? Most standard tests in schools don’t measure IQ any more, they are more geared to measuring achievement.

I think there’s a high correlation between being a social misfit and intelligence.

Your dessert night sounds great. That’s wonderful that you invited others without waiting for others to invite you first. I wish more members, especially singles, did that.

By: Susan M

Susan M — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:03:16 +0000

Bookslinger, are you saying I must be a genius? (Not so, but chances are good I’m autistic.)

A poetry reading night would be really fun. Our stake had an open mic night, mostly teenagers singing and playing electric guitars, but it was also neat to see the little old ladies who got up to read poems or sing. There were some investigators who sang, too.

By: David

David — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:13:00 +0000

I have to agree with Paradox about being “different from other people period.” Anyone looking at me would think I fit perfectly within the church and to a certain degree I do. I am absolutely committed to the gospel, but when it comes to relating to people and fitting in I just don’t connect.

By: tkangaroo

tkangaroo — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:37:54 +0000

I find that though single and a misfit, over the years I have also become a little bit of an unapologetically outspoken misfit. Not to the point of being obnoxious, but not hiding who I am. I have been surprised by the people who look like piccolos, but appreciate me in my non-piccoloness. I started having fun dessert nights at my house, inviting over everyone or a different group each time. Due to it, there is a small group of us who have started to get together for orchestra night–and there are even a few piccolos who join us.

My sister who is a wind instrament, but not neccessarily a piccolo is our new activities committee chair. I suggested a a poetry night, and we had one–where you could read anything (a shampoo bottle if you wanted). It was surprising well-attended, and most of our readers/performers were of the non-piccolo variety. It was the first activity in years that I loved. So, I would reccomend a non-piccolo to run the activities committee–or a few on the committee at least. Once they get over their horror of the idea of the activities committee, they start planning great activities.

By: Booksilnger

Booksilnger — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 04:21:09 +0000

Susan: You sound like you belong in Mensa. Have you ever visited a local meeting? us.mensa.org

As far as relationships in church, the main things that I find keep me connected are the activities, be as fully participating as you can.

Another connecting thing, to counteract the misfit-ness, you and DH could do all your HT/VT-ing to make and keep contacts, and encourage your HTers and VTers to visit you every month. HT-ing and VT-ing are great for developing people/social skills.

Yeah, your VTer/HTers and the people you visit/home-teach are assigned friends, but then that’s a good excuse for people who don’t make friends easily. “Aha! You _have_ to be my friend now! Bwa ha ha!”

By: mo mommy

mo mommy — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:20:28 +0000

I am such an oddball in the church. Life in general too a lot of the time. But I really appreciate it now much more than I did in high school. I’ve totally made peace with it and I love it, which makes comments from other members (rare in our new ward) easier to bear. I find that being myself is a better missionary tool than showing people how much the church culture can make me change. Someone once told me I showed her the church really is for everyone. Granted, I’m not really all that far outside the norm, but there is a certain type of person who thinks I am.
Some of the things that used to make me feel self concious are now my favorite parts of my personality. Funny the perspective that getting older gives you, yeah?
kwk, my feelings exactly! I decided that if I have to change my appearance or buy a CTR bumper sticker to make people realize I’m LDS than I’m not doing a good enough job of just living the gospel. My life should be what makes me a person set apart, not my bumper.

By: cj douglass

cj douglass — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:52:13 +0000

Thanks for the reminder Susan,

While not appearing very misfit-ish, I have certainly felt like one all of my life in the church. One of the great things about being married with kids is we form our own little tribe. As long as they accept me, I’m ok. I agree that muct be much harder for the single and childless….

By: Susan M

Susan M — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 01:57:17 +0000

The sort of sad thing is, we fit into this ward better than any other we’ve lived in, because we live in a surfing community, and my husband’s a surfer/snowboarder/bmxer/skater/etc. So at least there’s fellow surfers there.

T, I’m sure anyone without kids (and also singles) feel really left out in general.

Thanks for the comments, everyone. kwk: I wish you were in our ward. :)

By: T

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 01:28:48 +0000

It’s hard not to feel like a misfit in a ward where you’re the only married woman without kids, married to a man with poor health (hence no kids).