We didn’t insist that she go to church until after we had tried letting her decide for herself for a number of weeks and after we had discussed the issue with her for more weeks. We understand her issues because we have listened to her. She does not object to Church per se, she is just bored and she hates getting up early on weekends when she doesn’t have school. We don’t know if Church is getting through to her, because she doesn’t go. It’s pretty hard for something to get through to you when you don’t attend.

You should know your daughter well enough to know how to talk to her so she can leave the conversation feeling like she has a chance of getting closer to the Savior. This should be your real objective.

Amen and amen. And believe me when I say that I know my daughter, and that we have spoken to her at length about this, and not in a threatening way. But to me, that objective, at some point is going to require Church attendance. We are doing her no good if we hide that fact.

I joined the church at 16 as the only member in my family. Never underestimate what a minor can do. As long as you refuse to give her the chance to surprise you, she never will and you’ll both miss the opportunity to see her grow.

I taught martial arts for years before I started college, and it has been a real blessing to learn how to talk to people. Essentially, you can teach anybody anything if you can relate it to them in a way that they can understand. Chances are excellent she isn’t getting what she needs from Church right now because she doesn’t know how, and the more she goes and fails to meet up to what you’re expecting of her, the worse the problem will probably get.

And sure, you can punish her for that. Or you can teach her.

You should know your daughter well enough to know how to talk to her so she can leave the conversation feeling like she has a chance of getting closer to the Savior. This should be your real objective. If you take care of that, everything else will fall into place. If you’re feeling like you aren’t getting through to her, then chances are excellent that you don’t really know your daughter. For what it’s worth, way too many parents don’t see their kids as the brilliant children of God that they are. And if this is the case, I think it’s pretty clear where you need to start.

And, at the very least, I will have given my kids something to rebel against – which means they will have a direction in life. Which is better than parenting that gives the kids no direction at all because mom and dad are more concerned with working on their own personal vanity project of hipness and “open-mindedness.”

High time people stopped parenting like sissies.

What about when adults choose not to take their commitments seriously?

Not taking a commitment seriously is not a choice to end that commitment. It’s bad behavior that requires discipline on the part of responsible adults.

Four years later, she doesn’t want to attend, but not because she has a philosophical difference with the Church or because she has decided her original commitment was wrong, just because she is lazy and bored. Given that, I think it’s appropriate to enforce the earlier commitment she made, at least until she shows enough maturity to make a responsible decision about her level of belief in the gospel.

BTW, I did the same thing with my son when he wanted to quit football. I told him he made a commitment to the team and that he had to finish the season. I’m not suggesting that Church and football are the same thing, in fact I’m certain they’re not, but there is a similar principle involved in each decision. Both involved a child who thought it would just be a lot easier to stay home and watch TV. Of course, it is easier, and it would be easier for me to let them; but, at least for now, I’m not going to do that.

As to why God doesn’t do the same thing to us, I don’t presume to know why he does things the way he does, but I would argue somewhat with your premise. I don’t think it’s true that we “are in no way fully capable of understanding the significance of many of the decisions we make here in mortality.” We have the light of Christ. We know good from evil, and so we are capable of making decisions and subject to being judged by them.

But why does that matter? I was arguing that my daughter is capable of understanding her commitment sufficiently at age 8. I’m enforcing it because she did understand the commitment she was making, not because she didn’t understand it.