Comments on: Mormon Matrimonial Theater

By: MCQ

MCQ — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 04:14:09 +0000

Velska, your last paragraph was exactly my point. It wasn’t Bret’s. Bret’s only problem was missing the entire point of the drama. Of course it would be lovely if we all wanted to improve in exactly the ways that our spouses wanted us to improve, and our spouses helped us do so without ever crossing the line into negativity, nagging, manipulation or hypocrisy. It would be pretty if the sky was purple with pink stripes too…

By: Velska

Velska — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:33:17 +0000

I’m not a naive YSA. I’m a granddaddy. And I agree with Bret.

Bret also said the most important thing: “The person hermself (just as real a word as “themself” – how about we go back to using “him- or herself”) needs the intrinsic motivation…”

Unmarried people: Don’t get married to a person, who isn’t willing to improve.

And then if and when you are married, don’t berate and compare your spouse to others that seem to do one or two things better than your spouse. (The hypothetical brother of the hypothetical wife in the story probably watches porn or something else. Nobody’s perfect…)

By: Bret

Bret — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:09:44 +0000

Thank you:) I’ll enjoy it considering I’ll probably stay that way for a long time to come>:p

By: MCQ

MCQ — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 06:50:52 +0000

Bret, you’re a naive YSA.

By: Bret

Bret — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:44:17 +0000

Call me a naive YSA, but I thought we supposed to HELP each other become a better person in a supportive way/role. The person themself need the intrinsic motivation while the spouse supplements in whatever way is agreeable to both.

Either way, I’m not worrying about it.

By: MCQ

MCQ — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:12:45 +0000

I haven’t actually heard that axiom, but it sounds about right. And aren’t we perpetuating the problem by telling the kinds of stories like the one in that BCC post? How do we begin getting rid of the idea that a wife or husband should be in the business of molding their spouse into a better person?

By: NJensen

NJensen — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:37:36 +0000

It reminds me of the old axiom:

Men marry women, hoping they’ll never change but they do;
Women marry men, hoping they’ll change but they never do.

By: MCQ

MCQ — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 04:15:51 +0000

Amen Rusty. And thanks.

By: Rusty

Rusty — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 04:04:15 +0000

MCQ,
Love it. And I’m grateful for my wife who is content with this schlub.

By: MCQ

MCQ — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:33:29 +0000

BTW, this post came out of a story told to me by a friend (who actually had this concversation with his wife) and this post over at BCC. The point is, it seems like there's something dangerous about the pervasive idea that women shape their husbands into CEOs or bishops or that men do something similar to their wives. Is one purpose of marriage to make your spouse into something other than they are, even if that something else is better?