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Nine Moons » Blog Archive : *Cough* *Cough*, I’m Too Sick To Go To Church Today » *Cough* *Cough*, I’m Too Sick To Go To Church Today

*Cough* *Cough*, I’m Too Sick To Go To Church Today

Rusty - October 12, 2006

In our conversation about football here Tom reminded me of a childhood phenomenon: playing sick to get out of going to church. For some strange reason the only times I ever got sick as a child was on the Sunday mornings when the Seahawks happened to be playing at the same time as our church. I attempted this at least four or five times a season.

It was always difficult to prove you were sick enough to stay home without providing any tangible evidence of the illness. Therefore it usually resulted in a really sore throat or a really bad stomach ache. I’m not sure if my parents knew (they HAD to know) but they usually gave me the freedom to make my own decision. This always made me feel guilty, oftentimes enough for me to go to church, after which I’d try to make them feel guilty for making me go to church while sick. I have a feeling they didn’t feel too guilty. Of course there were important enough games that the guilt could not penetrate my dark, 13-year old soul enough to drag me to church.

They’d all leave, I’d stay in bed for another 10 minutes or so just to make sure they wouldn’t come back after having forgotten something and then I’d make my way upstairs to sit in front of the TV. I covered my bases, however, with a throw-up bowl, glass of water and a blanket in case they came home unexpectedly and found me on the couch watching football. Then I could act like I was sleeping or whatever. By the time they wrapped up everything after church and got home the game was usually over so I’d be back in my bed fake-sleeping when they’d all return. I know, I’m no Ferris Bueller but it worked. Of course by that night I was up and about enjoying America’s Funniest Home Videos with the rest of the fam.

Naturally after I matured (high school?) my two brothers did the same thing. Being the loving brother that I was I called them on it and told my parents they were faking it and that I knew so because I did the same thing. Bret would become indignant that I would even suggest such a thing. Bryce didn’t really react. My parents nevertheless allowed them the same freedom as they allowed me. It turns out Bret was doing the same thing as I was and was upset he was getting called on it. Bryce actually DID have stomach problems which have plagued him his whole life.

The sad thing is that I never pulled this trick to get out of school.


  1. You did?!!

    Comment by don — October 12, 2006 @ 10:32 am

  2. Here’s the guilt trip. Because you and Bret faked stomach aches and we let you get away with it, when Bryce had stomach aches we thought he was just like his older brothers. We went along and allowed you guys to fake it, but Bryce wasn’t and now we wish we had known. We feel guilty about not believing him.

    Comment by don — October 12, 2006 @ 10:36 am

  3. One more comment. I don’t remember doing that as a kid myself, first the Seahawks didn’t exist then, and second since my dad was inactive, he was home so there was no benefit in faking it. Now for school that was a different thing altogether.

    Comment by don — October 12, 2006 @ 10:38 am

  4. My kids play sick all the time. Or I mean, my oldest does. Problem is, he actually does have a sensitive stomach. I’m always caving with him because I know the one time I force him to go, he’ll puke all over the Sacrament bread.

    Comment by Susan M — October 12, 2006 @ 10:41 am

  5. You mean you watched TV on the Sabbath?

    Comment by Michael — October 12, 2006 @ 11:56 am

  6. Ofcourse there were important enough games

    The Seahawks played some important games in the 80′s and 90′s? ;) Who was a bigger rival in the AFC days, the Raiders or Broncos?

    Comment by cj douglass — October 12, 2006 @ 4:43 pm

  7. cj,
    Yeah, I know, but they were important TO ME! That’s a tough question which was the bigger rival. I’d say the Broncos but I think it’s just because I hated them more (but I hated the Raiders too).

    Comment by Rusty — October 12, 2006 @ 5:26 pm

  8. I used to mysteriously get sick on Tuesdays. That was in the day when Primary was on Tuesday afternoons!

    One day I told my mom I was too ill to go to school that day (Tuesday). She said, “you know, if you’re too sick to go to school, you’re too sick to do something else you were supposed to do today…” I played coy. Um… geee…. what could that be? Primary? “No! Remember I promised you and your friend I’d take you to the movies today after school?” Arrrrgh! That was the last time I tried that ploy!

    Comment by meems — October 12, 2006 @ 6:37 pm

  9. I never did it for church, but I did it a few times for school.

    Comment by Kim Siever — October 13, 2006 @ 10:01 am

  10. I took it a step further once. I filled mymouth full of salsa and water, walked past my parents bedroom to the bathroom, and spit it out as loudly as I could. Then I called for my mom in my sick voice so she could come and look as I flushed it down the toilet, apologizing for the smell.

    I felt really guilty for that one.

    Comment by jjohnsen — October 13, 2006 @ 11:21 am

  11. When I was a kid, I mysteriously got these horendous leg pains on Sunday mornings. They were so bad, that I couldn’t walk. My mom would call me on it. But it was a dreadful debilating pain. I tried to walk, but I would tumble to the ground. Tears would well up in my eyes as I crawled on the ground. I would look up at my mom and ask “Is this how you expect me to get around at church?” My mom would relent and I got to stay home with non-member dad. Miraculously as soon as mom’s Astro van had left the neighborhood, my leg pain was gone and I was outside playing baseball with neighorhood gang.

    To do this day I don’t know what caused those leg pains…

    Comment by Brett — October 13, 2006 @ 1:08 pm

  12. Whoa! Let me clarify my part of this. First of all, I never did this for church. I always liked church and HATED all sports until the Mariners had their magical 1995 year, then I realized it’s all WAy fun:)

    Secondly, though I often did get sick in elementary school relating to my asthma, the only times I faked was when I DID kinda feel sick in the morning and didn’t want to go to school (though, of course I was fine within an hour or so)

    Thirdly, I don’t remember YOU calling me on this, Russ. Angie was the one who seemed to call me on it.

    So yeah. Besides being more self righteous, I’m still better than you>:p

    Comment by Bret — October 14, 2006 @ 9:02 pm

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