403 Forbidden

Nine Moons » Blog Archive : How to be a cool Mormon » How to be a cool Mormon

How to be a cool Mormon

Susan M - January 25, 2008

Since I’m apparently an expert (perhaps), here’s my advice:

  1. Listen to music only bored suburban 14yos with personality disorders would listen to, and be vocal about it.
  2. Go to lots of bars. Not to drink or socialize, but to see bands only bored suburban 14…wait, they can’t go to bars. To see bands only 21 yo scenesters or 40 yo unshaven men who still wear Black Sabbath t-shirts would go see.
  3. It helps if you have an auditory processing disorder, slight obsessive compulsive disorder, and other autistic traits.
  4. Take lots of pictures. Post them all over the internet.
  5. Disagree with just about any opinion anyone has, constantly.
  6. Never take yourself seriously.

To be honest, I often get told “you’re the coolest Mormon I’ve ever met,” from people who are not church members. (No offense, but surely you all must realize that’s not really saying very much.) I don’t usually get it from church members, however. (Because I’m not cool. Seriously.)

It doesn’t really make me feel cool. If anything it makes me feel dorky. I mean, dorkier.

So who’s the coolest Mormon you’ve ever met?

I think for me it’s the missionary who would sing and play piano at the same time. The guy should’ve been playing to stadiums. Or maybe a Vegas crowd.

Or the missionary who carried a ukelele everywhere he went and would sing hymns on it.

P.S. I wonder if Joseph Addison realizes his list reveals a lot about who he is. Maybe even moreso than it reveals anything about the people on it.


  1. To be cool you have to post on Nine-Moons,

    So you must be ultra-cool!!!

    Comment by Don — January 25, 2008 @ 11:23 am

  2. Cool Mormon women wear denim, laugh sincerely, and work in the Primary. Cool Mormon men wear colored shirts, a little facial hair, and work with the YM.

    I aspire to be cool, but I fail miserably.

    But the coolest Mormon I ever met? That would have to be…my Aunt Carrie (tftcarrie). Ultra-cool and she won’t admit it.

    Comment by Cheryl — January 25, 2008 @ 11:44 am

  3. Congratulations Susan!! Everyone has known that you are the Coolest LDS Blogger Ever for a long time, but it is nice to actually see it validated.

    Comment by JA Benson — January 25, 2008 @ 12:17 pm

  4. The Nine Moons crowd is awfully cool. And thanks, JA.

    But Cheryl’s got it right. I wish I could wear denim. It’s too uncomfortable.

    Comment by Susan M — January 25, 2008 @ 12:39 pm

  5. One of the MANY reasons I’m not cool is that I have a very difficult time caring about/keeping up with stuff I don’t care for (music and fashion, especially)

    The coolest Mormons I know are down to earth, yet amazingly Christlike. They get along with everyone and aren’t fazed by “unMormon-like” (culturally speaking) behavior or values.

    Comment by Bret — January 25, 2008 @ 12:58 pm

  6. Ah, Susan. You’re still cool. :)

    Comment by Cheryl — January 25, 2008 @ 1:04 pm

  7. I wish I could wear denim.

    Ack! How can you be cool without wearing skinny jeans to go with your checkered Vans?

    Comment by Peter LLC — January 25, 2008 @ 1:27 pm

  8. Maybe you weren’t listening? I’m not cool.

    Comment by Susan M — January 25, 2008 @ 1:34 pm

  9. Kam Wixom

    (probably only Cheryl knows who I’m talking about)

    Personally though, I think y’all oughta give dorks a chance. We’re not all that bad after all…

    Comment by Seth R. — January 25, 2008 @ 2:36 pm

  10. I know the list is still young, but how could we have forgotten Steve Martin and Alice Cooper?!

    Comment by John Cline — January 25, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

  11. well, you definitely have the coolest blog tagline ever:

    I’m Susan. 36, married for 17 years, with three kids. A Mormon housewife into doom metal. And this is my blog.

    the first time i ever read that, i was like “now we’re talkin’!”

    Comment by mike d. — January 25, 2008 @ 3:31 pm

  12. Mike d. belongs on a list of cool Mormons.

    Comment by Susan M — January 25, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

  13. Holy cow, Seth! I haven’t heard about him in years. And yes, he was definitely cool.

    Comment by Cheryl — January 25, 2008 @ 6:47 pm

  14. A buddy from my mission – James Best. He’s currently getting a Masters in Poetry at NYU, does stand-up comedy and never, EVER takes himself seriously.

    Comment by cj douglass — January 25, 2008 @ 9:06 pm

  15. I’ve gotta go with mike d.

    That tagline is the coolest Mormon blogline anywhere. It just so happend to be the first blog I ever looked at too- how lucky am I?

    Comment by tracy m — January 25, 2008 @ 10:21 pm

  16. Maybe you weren’t listening? I’m not cool.

    Oh. Well, do you at least have checkered Vans?

    Comment by Peter LLC — January 26, 2008 @ 5:34 am

  17. Nope. Two pairs of Converse.

    Comment by Susan M — January 26, 2008 @ 8:44 am

  18. Susan M., I like you and who you are. I don’t think I care for your taste in music though, but I won’t hold that against you.

    I think the important thing is for all of us to feel comfortable in our own skin. I used to be such a painfully shy person. I am still shy depending on circumstances. But I have learned to laugh at myself in a lot of situations. It’s either laugh or be ashamed and I am not into being ashamed.

    I hate for people to feel all down about themselves. I read a comment on a blog recently about a sister who felt her infinite worth. I think that is wonderful!

    Comment by Barb — January 26, 2008 @ 8:15 pm

  19. It seems so rare to find an adult Mormon who actually cares about (and knows something about) rock music that you earn your “cool” card just for having a clue about that, Susan. I’ve never actually met you but I feel like I know you and let me tell you this: Your kids are darn lucky, because they have a very cool Mom. My kids are lucky for the same reason, so I know what I’m talking about.

    Comment by MCQ — January 26, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

  20. Hah! She’s fooled you. This is a trick post. The real answer is:
    “There are no cool Mormons.”

    Comment by meems — January 27, 2008 @ 12:18 pm

  21. It might sound apostacy like, but the most cool mormons I know are inactive. They show up every other week at church and are outspoken in Sunday School. They don’t take church too seriously. They have a testimony in God, but are realistic about the imperfections of its leaders. That’s why they wear colored shirts and all the youth want to hang with them.

    It’s a fine line to be a cool Mormon.


    Comment by Frank — January 27, 2008 @ 2:16 pm

  22. It might sound apostacy like, but the most cool mormons I know are inactive.

    There’s nothing cool about being inactive at anything. The cool people I know are committed to the things they do. They are cool because they still maintain a cool attitude, a sense of themselves and a sense of humor. Anyone can be inactive. Cool requires something more.

    Comment by MCQ — January 27, 2008 @ 4:53 pm

  23. Gotta say Pres. Hinckley was pretty cool.

    Comment by mondo cool — January 27, 2008 @ 9:08 pm

  24. Yes. I like this blog. A lot.



    Comment by Arthur — July 24, 2008 @ 8:22 pm

Leave a comment

RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI