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Nine Moons » Blog Archive : Mormon Matrimonial Theater » Mormon Matrimonial Theater

Mormon Matrimonial Theater

MCQ - March 28, 2009

A new series, from the creators of My Name is Earl, The Office, and Everybody Loves Raymond, soon to be a major Broadway Musical!

Scene:  A Mormon household in the suburbs.  A husband and wife have returned from a family gathering, and are getting ready for bed, after putting five kids to bed.

Wife:  Did you see the way my brother treated his wife tonight?  Did you see him?  He always does those kinds of things for his wife, you know.  I see it all the time.

Husband:  [rolls eyes, thinking: Uh-oh, here we go again] Uh-huh.

Wife:  He is so kind to her.  He’s always doing things for her.  He puts her first, do you know what I mean? 

Husband:  Mmm-hmm.

Wife:  Did you hear he was called into the bishopric in his ward?

Husband:  Yeah.

Wife:  He is so spiritual.  He’s always been that way.  He gets up at 5:00 am to read the scriptures every day.

Husband:  Wow.

Wife:  Did you hear that he got a promotion at work?  He’s making really good money now.

Husband:  Yep.

Wife:  You just watched football all night tonight, you know.

Husband:  Well, not ALL night.

Wife:  ALL NIGHT.

Husband:  Well, it is the playoffs.

Wife:  But it’s Sunday!

Husband:  Yeah…that’s when the game is on.

Wife:  [Beginning to be infuriated] You could at least try to be like my brother!  He’s a good member of the Church and a good example!  You don’t even try to be like him!

Husband:  [Exasperated]  Listen!  I’m not your brother, ok!  I’m never going to be your brother!  You knew who I was when you married me, and you chose to go through with it anyway!  It’s like…[searching for a suitable analogy]… if you went down to the car dealership and shopped around and then decided what you wanted and bought a… a Subaru, you know, like a really great Subaru!  And then when you got it home, suddenly, you expect it to turn into a Mercedes!  If you wanted a Mercedes, baby, you should have paid more money!

The curtain falls

 Note: The preceding is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance to any actual Mormon husband and wife, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  And no, it didn’t happen to me.  My wife doesn’t even have a brother, and she probably wouldn’t approve of him if she did.  No honey, I didn’t mean anything by that…

10 Comments »

  1. BTW, this post came out of a story told to me by a friend (who actually had this concversation with his wife) and this post over at BCC.

    The point is, it seems like there’s something dangerous about the pervasive idea that women shape their husbands into CEOs or bishops or that men do something similar to their wives. Is one purpose of marriage to make your spouse into something other than they are, even if that something else is better?

    Comment by MCQ — March 29, 2009 @ 5:33 pm

  2. MCQ,
    Love it. And I’m grateful for my wife who is content with this schlub.

    Comment by Rusty — March 29, 2009 @ 9:04 pm

  3. Amen Rusty. And thanks.

    Comment by MCQ — March 29, 2009 @ 9:15 pm

  4. It reminds me of the old axiom:

    Men marry women, hoping they’ll never change but they do;
    Women marry men, hoping they’ll change but they never do.

    Comment by NJensen — March 30, 2009 @ 9:37 am

  5. I haven’t actually heard that axiom, but it sounds about right. And aren’t we perpetuating the problem by telling the kinds of stories like the one in that BCC post? How do we begin getting rid of the idea that a wife or husband should be in the business of molding their spouse into a better person?

    Comment by MCQ — March 30, 2009 @ 1:12 pm

  6. Call me a naive YSA, but I thought we supposed to HELP each other become a better person in a supportive way/role. The person themself need the intrinsic motivation while the spouse supplements in whatever way is agreeable to both.

    Either way, I’m not worrying about it.

    Comment by Bret — March 30, 2009 @ 1:44 pm

  7. Bret, you’re a naive YSA.

    Comment by MCQ — March 30, 2009 @ 11:50 pm

  8. Thank you:) I’ll enjoy it considering I’ll probably stay that way for a long time to come>:p

    Comment by Bret — March 31, 2009 @ 3:09 pm

  9. I’m not a naive YSA. I’m a granddaddy. And I agree with Bret.

    Bret also said the most important thing: “The person hermself (just as real a word as “themself” – how about we go back to using “him- or herself”) needs the intrinsic motivation…”

    Unmarried people: Don’t get married to a person, who isn’t willing to improve.

    And then if and when you are married, don’t berate and compare your spouse to others that seem to do one or two things better than your spouse. (The hypothetical brother of the hypothetical wife in the story probably watches porn or something else. Nobody’s perfect…)

    Comment by Velska — April 3, 2009 @ 12:33 pm

  10. Velska, your last paragraph was exactly my point. It wasn’t Bret’s. Bret’s only problem was missing the entire point of the drama. Of course it would be lovely if we all wanted to improve in exactly the ways that our spouses wanted us to improve, and our spouses helped us do so without ever crossing the line into negativity, nagging, manipulation or hypocrisy. It would be pretty if the sky was purple with pink stripes too…

    Comment by MCQ — April 3, 2009 @ 9:14 pm

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