A new series, from the creators of My Name is Earl, The Office, and Everybody Loves Raymond, soon to be a major Broadway Musical!
Scene: A Mormon household in the suburbs. A husband and wife have returned from a family gathering, and are getting ready for bed, after putting five kids to bed.
Wife: Did you see the way my brother treated his wife tonight? Did you see him? He always does those kinds of things for his wife, you know. I see it all the time.
Husband: [rolls eyes, thinking: Uh-oh, here we go again] Uh-huh.
Wife: He is so kind to her. He’s always doing things for her. He puts her first, do you know what I mean?
Wife: Did you hear he was called into the bishopric in his ward?
Wife: He is so spiritual. He’s always been that way. He gets up at 5:00 am to read the scriptures every day.
Wife: Did you hear that he got a promotion at work? He’s making really good money now.
Wife: You just watched football all night tonight, you know.
Husband: Well, not ALL night.
Wife: ALL NIGHT.
Husband: Well, it is the playoffs.
Wife: But it’s Sunday!
Husband: Yeah…that’s when the game is on.
Wife: [Beginning to be infuriated] You could at least try to be like my brother! He’s a good member of the Church and a good example! You don’t even try to be like him!
Husband: [Exasperated] Listen! I’m not your brother, ok! I’m never going to be your brother! You knew who I was when you married me, and you chose to go through with it anyway! It’s like…[searching for a suitable analogy]… if you went down to the car dealership and shopped around and then decided what you wanted and bought a… a Subaru, you know, like a really great Subaru! And then when you got it home, suddenly, you expect it to turn into a Mercedes! If you wanted a Mercedes, baby, you should have paid more money!
The curtain falls
Note: The preceding is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any actual Mormon husband and wife, living or dead, is purely coincidental. And no, it didn’t happen to me. My wife doesn’t even have a brother, and she probably wouldn’t approve of him if she did. No honey, I didn’t mean anything by that…