We Deeply Need an ASRMCSFAS (Awesome Self-Righteous Multi-Commented Snark-Fest Alert System)

Rusty - April 30, 2009

A few days ago when Kevin posted this post about undocumented missionaries I was initially intrigued, read all the comments (15 or so at the time) and then promptly forgot about it. Tragic situation, thoughtful post, comments expected to wind down after about 35 or so. End of story, move on.

Then yesterday Geoff J. writes his reaction to that post. In it he talks about all the crazy people who showed up on Kevin’s post and all the snarky comments he made. Right-wing Mormons disagreeing with the Church’s leadership. Some even calling them to repentance!


So last night I stayed up way too late reading all 280 comments of Kevin’s post. I didn’t intend to read that far, but it was like frosted animal cookies, I just keep eating and eating and eating no matter how sick it makes me. And the sickness I feel after reading that whole thread? That I never participated before Kevin closed comments. Damn.

I can’t describe my love for those kinds of threads. They are one of the most important parts of my relationship with the Bloggernacle. Sure, uplifting and insightful posts are always nice, but nothing beats a good ole’ smackdown of self-righteousness and stupidity. I know there are those who think the Bloggernacle would be better off without these types of discussions and that we’re inviting the Lord of Darkness to our lovely meadow, and to them I say something about how they’re wrong and sometimes I like to hang with Satan and he’s cool and funny and stuff, but that they’re probably right, but I just don’t feel like quitting, but will right after I say this one snarky thing, but yeah, the Bloggernacle is cool n stuff.

So if anyone knows those guys who run the Mormon Archipelago, you should try to convince them to implement some kind of alert system for these kinds of discussions. I would much appreciate it.


  1. those guys who run the Mormon Archipelago

    If you don’t know them, I don’t know who would.

    Maybe we could do this through a twitter feed. That way, you could get it on your cell even when you’re on a date with your wife. You could excuse yourself from the arugula salad or George Clooney movie, access the web on your mobile device, snark up a storm and be back before the next course or scene was served.

    Comment by MCQ — April 30, 2009 @ 8:10 am

  2. Rusty,
    I am 100% with you. My life would be empty without stuff like this.

    Comment by Ronan — April 30, 2009 @ 8:25 am

  3. I rather enjoy them as well, but people need to understand that there is such a thing as beating a dead horse.

    Comment by Tim J — April 30, 2009 @ 8:31 am

  4. The alert system could be triggered when comments come twice as fast as on the ordinary post and with a high proportion of commenters who have never been heard from before.

    Comment by Ardis Parshall — April 30, 2009 @ 8:34 am

  5. with a high proportion of commenters who have never been heard from before.

    Or certain types of well-known commenters.

    Comment by MCQ — April 30, 2009 @ 9:04 am

  6. Or when the little-known MCQ appears.

    Comment by Ardis Parshall — April 30, 2009 @ 9:35 am

  7. If you ask me – there are posters who have a talent for creating these kinds of threads. The trick is to monitor those people and you’ll have a better shot at catching the loonies before the thread is closed.

    My short list:

    Kevin Barney

    Comment by CJ Douglass — April 30, 2009 @ 10:07 am

  8. @ the OP: I agree, but I think it should be known as the Drama Llama alert system.

    And if you think Bloggernacle drama is awesome, you really should check out the epic “Jesus Was a Polygamist?” thread, at 489 comments now and counting.

    Comment by Bridget Jack Meyers — April 30, 2009 @ 10:17 am

  9. Geez Ardis, ouch.

    Comment by MCQ — April 30, 2009 @ 11:08 am

  10. There are other reliable indicators.

    Like Jettboy showing up and leaving multiple comments on a BCC thread.

    I don’t recommend anyone checking out the Polygamous Jesus thread. It will lower your IQ and possibly cause pregnancy or halitosis. Seriously, don’t look.

    Comment by Seth R. — April 30, 2009 @ 12:22 pm

  11. Rusty, I am totally game. Shooting you an email now.

    Comment by Steve Evans — April 30, 2009 @ 12:44 pm

  12. PS Tim J, don’t be a hater just cuz you didn’t have the amazing talents to think of it yourself.

    Comment by Steve Evans — April 30, 2009 @ 12:54 pm

  13. Sorry, MCQ, I thought we were exchanging mock thrusts because I am a “certain type of well-known commenter.” I’m a certain type, all right …

    I’m sorry.

    Comment by Ardis Parshall — April 30, 2009 @ 1:01 pm

  14. Steve, some comments should be their own posts and some posts should just be comments.

    Comment by Tim J — April 30, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

  15. And some comments shouldn’t be made at all!

    Comment by Steve Evans — April 30, 2009 @ 1:41 pm

  16. …see, e.g., my complete works.

    Comment by Steve Evans — April 30, 2009 @ 1:52 pm

  17. Love the reference to frosted cookies! That’s EXACTLY how I feel about those things and why I never buy them anymore. Once they’re opened, they’re gone.

    Oh and you’re all horrible for wanting such contention in our meadow. I would NEVER engage in such, even though I have since the good ol’ BBS days when I was 13 years old.

    Comment by Bret — April 30, 2009 @ 1:55 pm

  18. I have secured https://twitter.com/ASRMCSFAS

    If someone wants to run it and I or Rusty or Steve can vouch for you, e-mail me at william At motleyvision Dot org and I’ll hand you the keys.

    Comment by Wm Morris — April 30, 2009 @ 2:00 pm

  19. No worries, Ardis, I was only mock-ouching.

    Comment by MCQ — April 30, 2009 @ 4:01 pm

  20. In that case, mine was only a mock apology. :p

    Comment by Ardis Parshall — April 30, 2009 @ 4:39 pm

  21. Okay, Rusty, I thought of a good topic for Nine Moons’ next ASRMCFAS: lesbian but pregnant Mormon illegal immigrants who believe that the church must recognize their SSM and approve of their right to choose based on an obscure passage of the Book of Mormon and the Wentworth Letter, which they feel also supports the Limited-Geography Theory. Also, they are somehow living off of government welfare while attending grad school, which is skewing their view.

    I started to draft a post on this, but my head started to hurt.

    Comment by jimbob — May 1, 2009 @ 8:22 am

  22. rusty, you’re always crackin’ me up – like the way adam sandberg does. (no snarky comments about sandberg!) :P animal cookies are good. i’m too lazy to read any of that ‘stuff’ but dan & i have some pretty hilarious conversations whenever the bloggernacle gets ‘rowdy’!

    Comment by di — May 1, 2009 @ 10:54 am

  23. I thought my life was full. Now I read this and realize I am missing an ASRMCSFAS. Sigh.

    /hangs head

    Comment by BrianJ — May 2, 2009 @ 11:48 pm

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